Focus: How Women Unintentionally Destroy Their Relationships.
It was somewhere around 2:45 a.m. when my cell phone rang. I was having trouble sleeping so I decided to swim a few laps to work off some tension.
"Hello, Andre. I was expecting to get your answering machine."
It was Robin, (not her real name) she was the fiance of a very popular NBA superstar. I have entertained Robin on many occasions but our friendship was strictly platonic. Women of rich and powerful men are my best clients because they usually have a lot of free time on their hands.
"What are you still doing up, is everything okay?" she continued.
"I'm fine Robin. What may I do for you?"
The world knew all about her fiances admitted sexual indiscretions. I admired how she loyally stood by his side during these public displays of personal humiliation. Forgiving as she was, everyone had a breaking point. Apparently she had reached hers.
"Andre, I can't take it anymore. All the groupies, the constant affairs...I thought he loved me!"
"What makes you think otherwise?" I asked while slipping on my bathrobe and walking towards the house.
"Because if he loved me he wouldn't take me for granted! No matter how much I give he always expects more."
My radar went off...
"How is his relationship with his mother?" I inquired.
"Its great. Their relationship is one of the main reasons I started dating him in the first place."
BINGO! She had been looking in the wrong place!
I sat down as I allowed my mind to formulate an answer. Less than a minute had passed before I began to speak.
"Robin, you have made the same mistake many women make every day by focusing on how well a man treats his mother. The focal point should be how his mother treat him.
"That seems backward, why would I want to focus on that? I've always heard that a man who respects his mother will respect his woman."
"And how has that been working for you?" I asked.
I would have assumed she hung up the phone if not for the faint, steady breaths I heard on the other end of the receiver. I cleared my throat and proceeded to expand my paradigm.
"Many men have been "harmed" by their mothers during childhood. They were not literally abused they, rather, were emotionally handicapped. Their matriarch offered an unrealistic model that carried over into adulthood. Harmful men were once spoiled boys. They were coddled and fussed over and bad behavior, no matter how deviant, was largely overlooked. These men anger easily and often use silly mind games to control and manipulate. These men work their own agenda and expect their woman to never question, but to silently accept their foolishness. After all, they have employed these same tactics, with much success, on their own mothers. These men were harmed and are extremely dangerous to your emotional health."
"Wow, he is just like that!" she exclaimed.
"And I bet you've heard him say, "Who are you talking to, my own mama don't talk to me like that!"
"All the time." she confirmed.
"That was your first signal to immediately assess the situation and quickly realize that you were entertaining a monster. This fellow never learned to construct relationships, he only knows how to manufacture situations and unfortunately many ladies do not know the difference between the two."
"Well, now that I do, you have given me a lot to think about...Thanks for being there...again"
"No, problem. And Robin?"
"I'm billing an additional $1,000 for calling after hours."
"Are you serious? she laughed, I guess it was worth it."
"I'm always worth it." I whispered into the receiver before hanging up the phone.