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    Why Most Monogamous Relationships are a Ticking Time Bomb.

    October 10, 2017

     

    Some of my clients argue that they value commitment and loyalty, but those same people have been married several times. Perhaps they were more in love with the IDEA of monogamy than they are with the actual people with whom they fell in love. The issue with monogamy, especially with the recognition of "emotional infidelity", is that it sets an impossible standard of perfection. That's why most of us eventually fail at it on some level. A couple can be married 50 or 60 years but if one of them cheated ONE time they are an absolute failure at monogamy. A lot of people think they want a monogamous relationship but they don't. Making a monogamous commitment does not mean that because you are in love you are not going to want to screw other people. You ARE going to want to screw other people; and so will your partner or spouse! Monogamy simply means that you will REFRAIN from screwing other people. Hopefully. The belief is that if someone who makes a monogamous commitment to you physically or emotionally connects with someone else then they don't love you, they never loved you, your entire relationship was based on a total lie and the only recourse is divorce or breaking up. We define cheating as a unforgiving betrayal and then we live our lives, from that point on, experiencing it as a unforgivable betrayal. No wonder relationships don't work! Perhaps if instead of hanging a noose around a person's neck, we hung an award of humanity, people would be more motivated to adapt and stay.

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