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  • Dr. Andre Blaylock

Why Men Walk Away During Arguments.

Have you and your significant other ever engaged in a heated conversation and instead of staying there until you resolved the issue, he just got up and left without saying a word?

Did you follow him as he was making his retreat asking questions somewhere along the lines of, "Why do you always walk away before we work things out?" or " What do you think about everything I just said?".

In this instance, he is not intentionally being disrespectful. He is being a MAN.

Let me tell you what's going on. The man in your life really wants to communicate with you and more than likely he is going to go through one of four processes in order to do that.

Process #1. He is going to have to think the situation through before he can talk about it. Because of the connection between the right and left hemispheres of the female brain, women can process many thoughts, at a rapid pace, while talking at the same time. Men's brains are opposite. They are compartmentalized. It's difficult for some men, not all, to process information and talk about it at the same time. For them, there is a need for time and internal processing. He can choose to talk, but the more urgent or emotionally demanding the topic the harder it is for him to do so.

Process #2. Men need space and time to "get the answer". Most men can talk about sports, food, politics, etc. without delay, but the more important the issue the more time required to process that information. It could take him a few hours or a few days depending on the subject and severity.

Process #3. Men think everything through. That's a mystery to women because women usually think out loud with words. A man might use a dish rag from the sink to wipe the mud off his shoes because there were no paper towels and he noticed that the dish rag was raggedy and would make for a great car waxing rag tomorrow when he washed the car. To a unsuspecting partner it could look like he was being nasty because he was using a cloth that was made for washing and drying dishes on his dirty shoes.

Process #4. After all that thinking and talking, men need to think about NOTHING. Think of his brain like a bucket filled with material. When the container is full it cannot hold anymore. Only after you pour something out can you add something else.The same wiring of the male brain that causes him to retreat and think to "get the answer" is the same wiring that causes him to have to decompress and chill out after a heavy discussion. That's why he may sit and channel surf, or play video games. Any mindless activity that will drain his brain and make room for whatever it is you want to talk about.

In summary, men don't walk away because they don't care about what you are saying. It's because they do care that they walk away. When they respond they want to make sure it's a well thought out answer to the issues you stated. So the next time he walks away, let him go. He'll be back. And when he does the conversation will be a lot more productive and meaningful. Understanding these four processes will go a long way towards establishing effective communication with your partner.


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