• Dr. Andre Blaylock

The two Secrets every woman should know about men!


Despite the degree of success a man has achieved in other areas of his life, many are clueless about defining what he wants in a woman! Most likely, he can talk at length about a particular car that interests him. He knows the year, manufacturer, and model. He can even pinpoint specific details such as color, interior trim, and available horsepower options. But when you ask this same logical and detail-oriented individual what he truly desires in a woman, he will look at you like you asked him to solve a complex mathematical equation!

Why do you suppose this anomaly exists?

Well, for one, most men can describe his ideal woman from an esthetic perspective, but after that, he goes blank. Many will generally rattle off traits like devotion, loyalty, and respect, but most of us can observe those traits in a dog. The answer hinges on our upbringing and socialization. Men were taught that the woman is the prize. As a "real man," there were certain things to be expected of him. Among them was finding a girl, proving to her that he was worthy of her love and affection, and then marrying her. Guardians placed the primary emphasis upon the male's ability to perform, protect, and provide. Outside of the basic generalities of domestic function, such as cooking, cleaning the house, and raising the children, no one mentioned a desirable woman's characteristics. Most assumed that she would automatically love and respect him after marriage, so the husband invested a short time proving the "happy wife, happy life theory.

Given that formula, it's not hard to deduce the point of disconnect. Our caregivers centered the focus around the object of desire rather than the substance within the subject. It was all about the "chase." But, once captured, the hunter became bored with his prey. Then it was off to the races again, trading one failed relationship for another. He lacks specificity and the ability to disqualify a potential mate. Allow me to elaborate. Disqualification is not necessarily a negative assertion. Disqualification occurs when a pre-determined set of rules or expectations are not satisfied. Disqualification saves time, effort, and resources. Imagine the amount of heartache that would be spared to women if men were absolutely sure?

Another secret about men is that they are not as interested in falling in love as women are. Men are often content with regular companionship that offers them quality time and sexual expression without the nuisance of love. Love is a subjective idea with no definitive property. It's like trying to hold a handful of smoke. Women solidify love into a pre-determined, romantic directive and the men of their imagination express love in that way. Contrarily, men primarily express love through duty. The"You should know that I love you by the things that I do for you." argument underscores this point. Have you ever been the victim of the internal wanderings of your romantic imagination? Has your train of thought ever been derailed by the actions of your significant other? Have you discovered, time and again, that the advice given about love during your developmental stage has not quite worked out the way it was supposed to? If so, then it is vitally important that you intentionally consider these two secrets and govern yourself accordingly. Men don't often behave the way you want them to; they behave the way they are. Take solice in knowing that men don't possess a road map to happily ever after, and they are just as confused about the direction of your relationship as you are. And understand that men may express emotional admiration for you in ways that do not align with the traditional paradigm. This mindset preps the atmosphere for grace. It liberates from the straits of outdated expectations and allows for freedom of observation and experience. Accepting these two secrets lets you both off the hook. It sets the stage for a truly organic environment that facilitates the growth of a healthy union void of the dichotomy of historically inaccurate relationship advice that no longer flourishes on the 21st-century dating landscape.

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