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  • Dr. Andre Blaylock

How to stop a bad relationship BEFORE it starts.

Today, I am coming from the book of “Do-to-HER-onomy” Chaper 1, Verse 1.

In the book we read, “He who goes out on a couple of dates with a female and opens thy wallet shall immediately shutteth her down.” Now, since many women do NOT ascribe to the

“Date more than one man at a time” philosophy they will find themselves in a “locked down” situation with a virtual stranger she now calls her “man”. In this particular situation a true friendship was not established because logic was replaced with the hopes of love, relationship and romance. There are three things that rise to the surface in these scenarios and usually it doesn’t take long for them to appear. They are…

Insecurity: One of the major reasons a guy wants to take you off the market as soon as possible is to eliminate the threat caused by other men. I often say, “He who gets the time gets the girl.” Men know that you are not going to invest much time into someone you are not interested in so all he has to do is be fun, humorous, charming and LISTEN. Women often expose the blueprint to their heart and tell men EXACTLY what they need to do to get into her graces! Once there, step two, which is…

Control: You would be amazed by how many guys inwardly believe you are out of their league! That inner insecurity compels many of them to do whatever it takes to “fatten you up” for the proposal. It’s not going to be a marriage proposal, though. (It’s too early to pull out THAT gun, and unless you're gullible, you won't fall for that tactic, anyway). No, it’s going to sound like traditional monogamy. He’s going to tell you that he is looking for a “serious” relationship (whatever that is), he isn’t interested in playing games, the chemistry between the two of you is unique and special, and he feels you should be exclusive to see where your relationship goes. Women swallow this bait over 90% of the time. By effectively limiting access to you by other men, he has simultaneously spoon-fed his insecurities and controlled your future interactions with the competition. CLASSIC GENIUS! Chemicals are racing, emotions are high, and the fragrance of love is in the air. Until "old green eye" rears its big, ugly head. Let's call him...

Jealousy: When Big “Jelly” steps on the scene he is going to rattle some cages! Remember, your guy secretly feels you are out of his league and he doesn’t want to risk losing your affection. A jealous man suspects foul play from ALL men who pre-dated him. Suddenly your male friends are being scrutinized and, if you haven’t done so already, they’re getting ready to be sacrificed on the alter of insecurity. It’s rarely a good idea to eliminate a proven friend for the sake of a anticipated lover. Silly arguments surface, like “Who is that texting or calling you at this hour?” or “Why did this dude like a photo and DM you on Facebook or Instagram?”

It’s like you mysteriously Benjamin Buttoned to a state where your every action has to be monitored and discussed with your significant other. Not so surprisingly, many people equate a person’s level of jealousy, or lack thereof, as a sign of affection. The stronger the response, the deeper the affection. A vast majority of people usually "project" within a relationship. In other words, they assign their morals, values, desires, and expectations onto another person. Warranted or not. Jealous people usually expect you to act how they would act under similar circumstances. If they are untrustworthy, you will be too. In most cases, jealously isn't cute and too much of it can eventually wreak irreparable damage within a relationship.

So what's the solution?

*Take it slow. Realize that the guy you are attracted to is just another handsome face and until he earns your interest, that's all he should be.

*Get comfortable with going dutch. Being willing to pay your way establishes independence and reduces the feelings of emotional obligation. And finally...

*Make sure you are at peace with yourself before committing. If you enter a relationship before you are truly ready, you will look at the other person as a piece to your incomplete puzzle. That mindset usually creates the perfect atmosphere for projecting and will inject unnecessary stress into a budding relationship.


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