The 6 Phases: How men fall in love.

Whereas women generally run downhill and fall in love, men coast downhill with their feet above the brakes ready to send you crashing through the windshield at a moment's notice. To avoid this unexpected ejection, it's important to understand the "how" in How men fall in love. Primarily, men don't approach the process from an emotional angle. It's more about function. Here is the typical pattern that most men follow on their way to romantic exclusivity.

Phase 1 – Desirability. There is more to this phase than external aesthetics, but the Love Train won't leave the station at all if the attraction isn't on board. Until he crosses this line you can reject him without phasing him because he hasn't really invested much effort. He’s not going to lose sleep over a girl he was simply trying to have sex with. However, if he's really attracted to you and you reciprocate, he's going to kung-fu grip onto this phase. This is where he attempts to magnify your interest in him.

Phase 2 – Infatuation. This is a difficult phase for many men. In the animal kingdom males have a monopoly on beauty. Not so much with the human species. The harsh reality is that most women are just not attracted to most men. Should he stumble upon a woman who is beautiful and mutually attracted he will smoothly slide into the "courting" phase of love. You may pique a man's attraction but not trigger his infatuation. Only when he is serious about pursuing you will he enter into the infatuation phase. This pursuit may be short-lived, though, because if you dismiss his advances, he will drop you like a hot potato. It’s easier for him to like you today and forget he ever knew you tomorrow because of the many options of women he has to choose from.

Phase 3 – Influence

Keeping it 100.... he’s nowhere near falling in love. All he wants to do is impress you. In this phase, he transforms into Prince Charming. He plans activities and surprises you with gifts. He’s definitely not in love with you, but he's hoping to make a positive and lasting impact during this phase.

Phase 4 – Belief

Men are very funny specimens. They tend to be more logical than emotional. A man can start to believe that there is something special about you but instead of embracing that thought, he will fixate on how to convince or manipulate you into falling in love with him first. In this phase he really likes you, but he will procrastinate and test you. In this phase, all he cares about is how much you like him and do you envision a future that, one day, includes you and him sprouting gray hairs and sipping iced tea together.

Phase 5 – Affirmation

By phase 5, you are in love with him and he likes it. The major issue here, though, is that he’s not convinced himself that he really likes you like that. Houston, we have a problem! Up until this phase, his sole focus was on getting you to focus all your attention and affection on him. Only after you fall madly in love with him does he seriously ponder whether or not he wants a long-term relationship with you. Yep, It’s f'ed up, but it is what it is. Now that you've forsaken all others for his scary ass, he needs a couple of days to process the pros and the cons. During this time, he will be viciously attacked by F.O.B.O. (fear of better options) syndrome.

Phase 6 – Cupid strikes gold!...maybe.

This is the final phase. If he’s able to vanquish F.O.B.O. he's most likely convinced that he wants to be with you. Now he’s ready to fall in love with you. On the other hand, if he’s not really convinced that you are the right person for him, he may start bread-crumbing or slack off because of his confusion. WTH?

I know, I know. All these phases a man takes you through are enough to make you want to smack somebody, right? And it’s more aggravating to know that men have to actually make women fall in love with them before they can even think about getting serious, but that’s the way men fall in love. While there is no fool-proof way to sidestep this system there are a few things you can do to protect your heart. First, recognize that it's not personal. It's a process that males HAVE to go through, so be aware of it and govern yourself accordingly. Second, keep your cool. No matter how handsome and charismatic he is, don’t make it obvious that you really like him. Play hard to get for a while. Not too long, though, because playing cat and mouse only goes so far. After that, it's annoying and he will move along to easier targets. Make him work to win your love, and when he finally does he will not easily let it go.